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The Mindless Babblings of Mike Young

Headhunted by Microsoft

BeepetyBeepety…BeepetyBeepety

Hello, Mike Young.

Hi Mike. This is Anna.

(Searching for customers with the name of "Anna" to bring up the proper record.) Hi Anna, what can I do for you?

You are a Software Engineer, right?

(Pausing my search in confusion.) Umm. Yes.

Well I am a recruiter with Microsoft and we have some job openings that we think you might be suited for. When would  be a good time to discuss them with you?

(Looking around to see if my co-workers are playing a joke on me.)  Do you realize that you are calling me at work? (Sudden feeling of derision and disgust) And I don’t ever think I would work at Microsoft in my entire life!

Oh… well I—

Click! 

The other day at work, I received a recruiting call from Microsoft. I have no idea how they got my number of if they were just randomly calling numbers in the IBM exchange. It was so flagrant and baffling to me that a company would do that without even trying to be discreet about it. I never put anything past Microsoft though (one of the reasons the color for the recruiter’s dialog is 666).

Had I not been at work, I would have had a much longer conversation with the recruiter about how she was doing the work of the devil. As it was, I simply hung up on her for her audacity.

Once, my mother asked me what it would take for me to work for Microsoft. She said that one day I might be desperate for a job and they would be the only ones offering. I told her that arguments of fear would never sway me, but there was a price for which I would sell my soul. That price was 17 million dollars a year. The number 17 was chosen to ensure that post-taxes my salary would be 10 million or more.

At this stage in my life, my soul is worth about 10 million dollars a year. As time went by and I received raises and bonuses and the such (all part of my contract) I would expect the price to rise until the very act of employing me was sucking their profits away. Then I’d be rich and happy. Smile

One Response to “Headhunted by Microsoft”

  1. Tim Says:

    $10 Mil per year. Is that all your soul’s worth. That’s a bargain. I will remember this and buy it one day. Shoot higher for your soul, hell Bill G got to be the richest human in the world. I’m just saying don’t sell yourself short or one day someone like me will buy it for a mere 10 Mil a year.

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